


you and me will never belong

by bigpapishownu



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infidelity, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, ask to tag, johnny is a bad guy, maybe their friends are just as bad as they are, this is not a happy story, victim blaming? sort of?, well they all aren't..... great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigpapishownu/pseuds/bigpapishownu
Summary: there is a universe where they are happy. this one is not it.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Qian Kun/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 15





	1. malicious, the way you twist your words

**Author's Note:**

> ***disclaimer*** this is not real, it can never be real, and has never been/will never be real. i don't own the people in this fic.
> 
> first of all: please, please, please read the tags before reading the actual fic. this deals with some very dark themes that can be severely upsetting/potentially triggering to some people. 
> 
> second: i don't know what the fuck this is. i just woke up for work one day and couldn't get the idea out of my head, especially the first line of the fic. then it all went down hill. i expected this to be 1.5k of no dialogue, just yearning but then it grew arms and legs. 
> 
> third: please take care of yourselves and your friends. check up on them and make sure they are well and safe. 
> 
> title from _I Solemnly Swear_ by Like Moths To Flames bc it's been almost 8 years since that song was released and it still slaps hard as hell. it's a heavy rock song with screaming if you were interested in listening. 
> 
> enjoy!

Kun only watches Ten from afar. 

He watches as Ten and Johnny dance around each other for two years, watches when they finally get together. He congratulates them with an empty smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It’s more of a formality rather than actual joy for the newly formed couple - he didn’t really care if the two ever got together, just wanted Ten to stop complaining about Johnny to him. Unfortunately, however, that doesn’t seem to stop even after they get together. It’s even worse, Kun thinks, because now he’s got to deal with Ten complaining about Johnny in a completely different way. It’s mean, he knows, selfish, but sometimes Kun just wants to snap at Ten, tell him to shut up. He doesn’t actually mind listening to Ten, but it’s really difficult listening to the person you’re in love with talk about how they’re in love with someone else. 

So Kun keeps watching Ten from afar, watches him slowly grow more in love with Johnny by the day. It hurts, a dull ache in his chest that never quite goes away; the only time he gets reprieve is when Ten falls asleep on his shoulder. For a moment he can imagine that things are fine, that Ten  _ isn’t  _ in love with Johnny but with  _ Kun  _ instead. For just a little he can imagine that Ten is only his, that things are back to normal. He lets himself touch Ten, run his fingers through his hair and down his face, fingers lightly dancing over Ten’s lips - how he wishes he could kiss them. Kun knows it’s wrong, but he lets his mind wander, lets himself think about what it’d be like to feel Ten’s lips run down his body. 

Kun’s always deep in thought when Ten wakes up, flashes him that sleepy megawatt smile and thanks him for not kicking him off. He kisses the side of Kun’s head and squeezes his hand right before he says goodnight and walks off, surely to land face first on his bed. 

It’s what keeps Kun going for a long time. 

Johnny’s not good for Ten, though, not that Kun himself is any better. There’s just something about the way Johnny treats Ten that rubs Kun the wrong way. Maybe it’s the way Johnny stiffens up when Ten wraps his arm around his waist to pull him closer. Maybe it’s the way Johnny’s smile never reaches his eyes when he’s looking at Ten. Maybe it’s the way Kun comes home one night, half drunk, and hears Ten beg Johnny to stop over and over again to no avail; or maybe it’s the way mysterious bruises seem to start popping up around Ten’s arms and neck. 

It’s definitely the way Ten comes back home from a weekend at Johnny’s with a busted lip and huge, black sunglasses. 

“Leave him,” Kun tells Ten, gently rubbing Ten’s back when he falls into Kun’s arms. Exhausted from the weekend, probably. “I’m begging you, please leave him before it gets worse. You don’t deserve shit like this.”

Ten doesn’t say anything, just cries and holds on to Kun’s shirt for dear life. 

Kun comes home the next day, bags of groceries in his hands and Sicheng in his ear, blabbering away about something Yuta did that day. He almost drops both when he sees Johnny with his arm around Ten, both of them sitting quietly watching a horror movie. 

None of them say anything, so Kun just walks to the kitchen and begins to put stuff away. 

He’s putting chicken in the fridge when he feels like someone’s just standing there, and staring at him, watching his every move. Johnny. God, how Kun wishes he could land a punch on his stupid face, beat him up worse than what he’d been doing to Ten. Revenge. 

“If you  _ ever  _ try to give  _ my  _ boyfriend any fucking advice,” Johnny says, threatening, walking so close he’s able to dig his finger on Kun’s chest. “Try that shit again, and I’ll make sure you  _ never  _ see him again. Keep your thoughts to yourself.”

Johnny doesn’t wait for an answer, just walks back out to the living room and asks Ten to make him dinner. Of course, Ten immediately comes into the kitchen, avoids Kun’s eyes. He’s reaching past him, trying to grab at the vegetables on the top shelf. Before he’s able to, Kun grabs his hand and forces Ten to look at him in the eyes. Neither of them say anything, but Kun hopes Ten is able to tell how fucked up this all is. Ten just pulls away and pushes past Kun, grabs what he needs, and starts working on Johnny’s dinner. 

Kun has to take sleeping pills that night, can’t bare to listen to Ten beg Johnny to stop. Not again. Not anymore.

It happens again the next night, but Kun can’t take it anymore. He grabs the empty beer bottle and books it to Ten’s room. There’s no use in knocking, so Kun bursts in there and shoves Johnny off Ten, completely knocks him off the bed. 

“What the hell is your fucking issue?” Johnny has the audacity to ask, like he’s done nothing wrong. 

“Get the fuck out of here,” Kun spits, moves himself to stand between the bed and Johnny, shielding Ten from Johnny. “If you don’t leave, I’ll kick you out myself.”

Johnny doesn’t leave, instead makes a move to lunge at Ten. Kun is solid between them, unwilling to let Johnny hurt Ten any longer. Kun shoves Johnny so hard that Johnny stumbles, but doesn’t fall. He’s quick though, because before Kun knows it, Johnny’s swinging at him, lands a nasty fist right on Kun’s mouth. 

It has Kun seeing red. He swings the bottle right at Johnny’s face, breaks the glass over Johnny’s eye. He screams, clutching his face, knelt down on the ground. Kun doesn’t know how he does it, but he manages to get Johnny off the ground and up. He grabs his clothes in one hand and Johnny in the other, walks him right out the front door. 

When he gets back, Ten’s in bed crying, holding up the covers up to his face. All Kun wants to do in that moment is hold Ten, tell him that everything will be alright now, and that he’ll always be there to protect him. He wants to let Ten fall asleep on his chest, hands fisted in Kun’s shirt. 

“I’m sorry, I should have just let him have me,” Ten sobs, pulling his legs close to the rest of his curled up body. “I- I shouldn’t have cried out like that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you in the middle of the night like that.”

Kun frowns, just how messed up did Johnny have him?

It’s disturbing, really. He doesn’t say as much, though, doesn’t want to upset Ten any further. He just carries Ten off the bed, lets Ten wrap his arms around Kun’s neck. It’s not awkward, having Ten’s naked body pressed on his, not that anything like this would be anyway.

They make it to Kun’s bathroom, and Kun tries his best to keep all of Ten’s weight on him as turns the shower on. Kun does his best to keep the water warm when he helps Ten step in. Ten lets himself be bathed by Kun, lets Kun wash his hair and body, lets Kun dry him off and then put some clothes on him. 

“Let’s leave,” Kun says, helping Ten get in bed. “Let’s move to a place where nobody knows us. Just the two of us. We need to get away from here.”

“But your job,” Ten cries. 

Kun shakes his head, that doesn’t matter - nothing and no one has ever mattered except for Ten. 

“I don’t care,” Kun says, quiet like a sudden confession. He sits gently next to Ten, stroking down the side of Ten’s face, watches how Ten’s eyes shutter closed. “I’m willing to start over for you; I’m willing to start over a thousand times if it means you are safe. I would do anything for you.  _ Anything.” _

Ten just sighs, opens his eyes. 

“Kind of fucked up that my own boyfriend doesn’t give a shit whether I live or die,” he says sadly. “And here you are, willing to drop everything so I don’t get beat again.”

“I don’t think you know how much I love you.”

“I know.”

They move, pack up everything the next day and head to Sicheng’s city. They stay with them for a while, Yuta seems to enjoy that a lot, drags Ten everywhere with him while Kun looks for a job. Yuta seems to enjoy having Ten around more than Kun thought, because he actually cries when they move out, as if he’s never going to see him again. 

“Yuta, babe, we’re coming for dinner tonight,” Ten says, laughing a little but he’s got tears in his eyes too. “You’re our friend, we won’t abandon you.”

They do come for dinner that night, but Ten is distant.

Kun waits until they’re back home to ask him anything. He doesn’t answer, no matter how gentle Kun asks. 

“He called me last night,” Ten says, suddenly walking into Kun’s bedroom later that night. He sits next to Kun, looks away from him as if he’s scared. “Johnny called me and begged me to tell him where I was at. He- he said he went to our old place and was upset because I wasn’t there. I- I don’t know what I should do. I don’t want him to find me, to find us and hurt us.”

“No one’s going to hurt you again as long as I’m around.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of someone dirty and used like me. What if I’m never able to love you back? What then, huh? Will it all be worth it?”

“You’ll always be worth it to me.”

Ten doesn’t love him, Kun knows, at least not in the way Kun loves him. It’s ok, though, Kun’s willing to wait as long as it takes for it to happen - and if it never does, well, Kun will still love him the same. Kun doesn’t expect Ten to love him like that, especially not after what he went through with Johnny. It’ll probably be years, probably never, before Ten will even consider opening his heart up like that again. 

_ Someone dirty and used like me,  _ Ten had said. Dirty. Used. Is that really how he viewed himself? As an object only there to be thrown away? Discarded after being used and no longer good? 

Ten looks back at him, tears in his eyes already spilling over and staining his face. Kun sits up, gently grabs Ten’s face in his hands, wipes the tears from Ten’s face. 

“I don’t care if you’re never able to love me back the way I love you,” Kun says, leans in and places a gentle kiss on Ten’s lips. Once. Twice. “All I care about is that you feel safe and protected when you’re with me. I just want you to be happy again. Even if it’s not with me.”

“Do you mean that?” 

Kun can see how scared Ten looks, and it breaks Kun’s fucking heart into a million fucking pieces. 

Fuck Johnny. 

“You know I would never lie to you.”

“Ok,” Ten says, soft like a sigh. “Ok, I want to try things out. With you. I want to be with you, I want to try loving you the way you love me.”

“You’re going to love me so much it’s going to hurt.”

No one ever said Kun was a good person. He’ll let himself have this, have Ten in his arms for as long as he wants. He’ll let himself touch Ten - only when Ten’s up for it, he’s not as horrible as Johnny - all over, will kiss him until they’re both numb. He’ll let himself watch Ten from up close this time, watch him as he gets undressed, watch him as he comes undone for Kun. 

He’s not a good person, he’s aware, but his own selfishness is too much to handle; it’s too much to let an opportunity like this go. Kun’s going to take this and make sure he tries his hardest to help Ten feel the way he does - no matter how long it takes.

“I believe you.”

Kun helps Ten get in bed with him, shifts him over so that Ten’s back is flush against him. He wraps his arms around Ten as best as he can, breathes him in.


	2. when will enough be enough?

Ten’s still awake by the time Kun falls asleep. 

Ten tries, god, does he ever try. It’s not enough, though, it’s never enough no matter how hard he tries. It hurts because he can see how hard Kun tries, can see how much effort Kun puts into making Ten comfortable and safe.

He’s thankful, but eventually grows resentful of Kun and his unwavering dedication to him. They argue a lot, but Kun always keeps his calm, doing his best not to let his voice escalate even though Ten can tell he really wants to scream back at him. Ten tries his best to seem distant, pushes Kun away when Kun tries to wrap an arm around him when they’re sitting on the couch. They never have sex, honestly Ten doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready, but still Ten teases Kun, grinds on him until he’s hard then just leaves. Kun never says anything to him, though, just sighs frustratedly and runs a hand through his hair. He’s never mad about it, and it’s painful, Ten  _ wants  _ Kun to be mad at him,  _ wants  _ Kun to start yelling and slap him across the face and just fucking take him anyway. 

Kun’s too nice, he loves Ten too much to do something like that. 

Still. 

Ten  _ wants  _ him to do it. 

No one ever said Ten was all right in the head. 

“I want you to fuck me,” Ten says one night while Kun’s making dinner. “I want you to just bend me over the table and fuck me until I’m raw, tell me I’m yours and only belong to you. Toss me around.”

Kun chokes on nothing. Ten smirks. 

“I cannot tell you how much I want to do that,” Kun says, doesn’t look at Ten though. “But I don’t know if you’re ready for that yet. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But I want you to hurt me! Don’t you fucking understand? I want you to scream at me! I want you to fucking slap me across the face and toss me across the fucking room! Hurt me, I don’t care, I want you to make it hurt!”

Ten doesn’t realize he’s crying until Kun’s right up against him, hugging him close and gently stroking Ten’s back. No, it’s not supposed to go like this, Kun’s supposed to oblige, to toss him across the room and hit him before he takes him. 

It makes him incredibly angry. 

“No, no, fuck you,” Ten screams, hits Kun in the chest with his fists. “You’re supposed to be mad, you’re supposed to just fucking take me even though I don’t really want that. You’re supposed to treat me like the piece of shit I am.”

“I love you and I want you, but not until you’re ready. If you’re never ready, that’s ok too. That’s not going to prevent me from loving you. I can live without sex but I can’t live without you.”

_ I can’t live without you,  _ it makes Ten laugh, that’s what Johnny used to say all the time. Empty promises, empty thoughts. Empty words. Empty meaning. Empty. 

“I’m going to go look for him,” Ten decides then, pushing himself off Kun. “I don’t think I can be with you anymore. I’m sorry but you’re not meeting my needs. You see, I need someone more, uh, more qualified.”

It’s mean and he knows it, but it might be the only way to get what he wants. He wants to make Kun cry, wants to make him so angry that he spits in Ten’s face and kicks him out. 

“Fuck you,” Kun says, after a while of just starting at Ten, boring holes in his face. “All I want is for you to feel  _ safe.  _ Don’t you fucking understand? Can’t you wrap your fucking mind around that? Not everyone wants to hurt you! You’re worthy of respect and love. All I’m trying to do is give that to you.”

Ten laughs, but it’s just empty. No emotion. 

No one ever said Ten was a good person. 

Ten doesn’t work, stays home and does nothing all day. Kun takes care of all the bills, all of his expenses, all of his desires. Kun cooks for them, drives them everywhere,  _ leads  _ everything. Kun makes sure Ten’s got everything he could ever need to live a comfortable life; lets Ten fall asleep on him, carries Ten to their bed, makes sure he’s comfortable. 

So what more can Ten want?

Nothing. 

“I don’t love you,” Ten screams. He doesn’t know what else to do to push Kun away, to push him over the edge. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love you, and I hate that you’re nice to me. I hate that you love me so much because you deserve someone that loves you back, someone that  _ wants _ you to love them. That person isn’t me, though, it can never be me.”

Kun frowns. 

“What are you trying to say?”

“This isn’t going to work out between us. I thought, maybe if I gave this a shot, then maybe, just maybe, it could work out. I was very wrong.”

Kun doesn’t say anything, just walks away and locks himself in their room. He doesn’t come out for the rest of the night, doesn’t come out at all the following day either. When he does come out the day after that, he looks like shit. He’s not changed his clothes, looks like he hasn’t showered in days either. 

It makes Ten feel guilty. 

“Are you ok?” Ten asks, shy, unsure. “You don’t look so good right now. Do you need anything from me?”

It’s Kun’s turn to laugh empty. 

“I need you to shut the fuck up and stop talking to me,” Kun spits, and it’s mean, hurts Ten more than it has a right to. “What the hell do you want from me? I gave you all I had, I gave you everything. And then you told me to fuck off just like that. And here you are, pretending like nothing’s wrong? Like we can just pretend everything is normal and things can go back to the way they were? No, fuck you. I’m tired.”

It’s the first time Ten feels truly guilty. 

“Don’t you think I’m tired too? Don’t you think I’m tired of waking up every day knowing you’re in love with me because I can never love you back?”

Kun sighs. 

“It’s ok, you won’t have to be tired for much longer.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m moving out,” he says simply, crosses his arms over his chest as if he’s shielding himself from Ten. “The apartment complex down the street has some vacancies, and I found a unit I liked.” 

It leaves Ten stunned. 

How the hell is he supposed to live now?

As if Kun can read Ten’s mind, he continues:

“I’m not going to abandon you, I’ll still help you pay bills and stuff. But you’re going to learn how to cook for yourself, do laundry, and upkeeping the house. You’ll be on your own for a while.”

“You’re leaving me?”

Kun frowns. Ten knows it’s not fair to word it like that, he knows, but it still hurts that Kun feels like he has to run away because of him. It’s tough knowing Kun is in love with him and not being able to love him back; it’s draining. So in reality, Ten knows Kun is doing this because he doesn’t want to be a hindrance in Ten’s life any longer. Still, it feels like Kun is running away from him. 

“I’m not leaving you, I just need to get away from here if I want to keep being in your life.”

“So you’re  _ leaving  _ me?”

“I’m not  _ leaving  _ you,” Kun sighs. He walks closer to Ten and kinda looks like he wants to touch him, but stops himself last minute, curls his hands into fists by his side. “I’m moving out. That’s it, I’m still going to be your friend, we’re still going to hang out and stuff. I just won’t live with you anymore.”

They don’t say anything after that. 

Now it’s Ten’s turn to watch. He watches Kun pack his stuff, watches him smile sadly when he looks over their house one last time. He watches Kun drive away and disappear down the street. He watches Kun come and go the first time they hang out after Kun moves out. 

None of it hurts as much as when he watches Kun fall in love with someone else. None of it hurts as bad as it does when Kun brings  _ him  _ home and introduces Ten as his best friend, nothing more, nothing less. But really, there’s nothing that hurts more than when he watches Kun get married and move to another country, far far away from him. Ten thinks it’s because Kun keeps helping him out, keeps calling him everyday to make sure Ten’s ok; Kun keeps acting like nothing is wrong and they’re still the way they used to be. 

It all comes to a head when Kun visits Ten for the first time, alone, without his husband to accompany him. They visit Sicheng and Yuta, they go out and get drunk. 

“I missed you so much,” Ten says, clinging onto Kun as he tries to open the door to the house. Kun looks so beautiful and Ten just wants to eat him up. “You have no idea how much I missed you. You look beautiful, Kun, you look so good; it’s like marriage really suits you. I want you so bad, you know, I  _ need  _ you.”

Kun swallows hard, like he’s nervous: Ten can tell, he can  _ feel  _ it, but he doesn’t say anything. They stumble inside the apartment with a thick tension between them, just staring at each other like it’s only the two of them that exist. 

“You can touch me.”

Of course, Kun does nothing, just keeps staring at Ten like he’s a priceless artifact. So Ten takes it upon himself to get closer to Kun, so close that he’s able to feel Kun’s breath on his face. Ten grabs Kun’s hand and strokes it down his face, all the way down to his chest, makes Kun’s eyes shutter close. Ten doesn’t stop there, he keeps going until he reaches the top of his pants. 

“Do you want to touch me, babe?” Ten asks, leans closer to press his lips softly against Kun’s neck. “I know you want me, I saw the way you looked at me all night. Now is your chance to touch me wherever you want. Fuck me like I know your husband doesn’t let you.”

Kun’s breath catches when Ten moves his hands down to his ass. Ten ghosts his lips over Kun’s, teases him until Kun squeezes his ass and kisses him full-on. It makes Ten gasp, especially when Kun rubs their groins together. Ten doesn’t know how Kun does it, but he lifts him, wraps his legs around him and carries him to the bedroom.

It’s intense, the way Kun steps back to look at Ten on the bed, ready for him. 

“This is such a bad idea,” Kun says, mostly to himself. “The worst idea. Ten, Ten what the hell are we doing? I’m fucking  _ married _ to someone else. This is so wrong.”

“Don’t you want me though?”

“I think about you when I’m fucking my husband, that’s how much I want you. I think about you when he’s going down on me, think about how you would look looking up at me,” Kun says right before he pushes Ten’s legs apart, settling himself comfortably in between. He immediately bites down on Ten’s left shoulder, tugs a little at the skin there; it makes Ten gasp and grip Kun’s hair. “I have thought about you every single minute ever since I moved out. I love my husband but I’m in love with  _ you -  _ I can’t live without you.”

“So show me how much you love me then,” he says, breathless as Kun kisses up and down his neck. “Show me how much you’ve thought about me, how much you want me.”

The floodgates open then - Kun lets loose, works fast to take Ten’s shirt off. He then takes his own shirt off and goes right back to biting at Ten’s shoulders, sucking on them hard enough to leave marks that’ll last for weeks. There’s no hesitation when Kun’s undressing them, no hesitation at all when Kun throws Ten’s legs over his shoulders; there’s no sign of hesitation when Kun spits in Ten’s hole and licks it right out. 

Ten revels in this, making people come undone. It’s never felt like this, and maybe it’s the alcohol, but something about feeling Kun between his legs sends electric shockwaves through his entire body. Everywhere Kun licks and touches feels hot, like it’s burning his skin, like it’s going to leave a mark. That’s what Ten wants, wants Kun to mark him all over, to let everyone know that Ten is his, only his. 

Kun has always been good at reading Ten’s mind. He kisses the inside of Ten’s thighs, bites them and sucks on them as hard as he can. 

“You don’t know how bad I want to be inside you right now,” Kun whispers, kisses up Ten’s thighs and up the rest of his body, all the way up to his lips. He leans down and dots small kisses all over Ten’s neck. “I want to feel you wrapped around me. Baby, Ten I love you so much I just want to feel you.”

It makes Ten moan, loud, the fact that Kun’s so desperate for him, willing to risk his marriage just to be with him. He’s horrible and he knows it, but the fact that he still has Kun wrapped around his fingertip - even after all these years - makes him realize that maybe Kun is the only one for him, the only person that will be there for Ten despite all the fucked up things he does. 

Maybe now he’s ready to devote himself completely to him, maybe now he’s ready to  _ love  _ Kun the way he deserves to be. Right now, he doesn’t give a shit about Kun’s husband or how he’ll feel when he finds out about him and Kun. Right now, all he cares about is feeling Kun moving inside him, hearing how Kun loses himself because of him. 

Kun is it for Ten. The one and only. 

“I love you, Kun, I love everything about you,” Ten says, breathy; Kun does his best to wrap Ten’s left leg around his waist, bringing them closer. “I want to be with you all the time, like this. I love you, I love you. Thank you for loving me all these years, for being there for me and helping me through everything.”

“You know I can never stop. I love you too much to let you go, babe. I want to be with you all the time, like this and the way I am with my husband. God, I want to be with you the rest of my life, Ten. Just you. No one else, I swear.”

“Will you leave your husband for me?”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

Kun doesn’t leave his husband. Instead, he goes back to him, back home and pretends like they didn’t do anything that night. Ten’s sad, but he knows that beggars can’t be choosers, so he has Kun whenever he can,  _ however  _ he can. Kun visits again and again, sometimes with his husband, sometimes not. They stay with him, and it takes all of Ten’s willpower to ignore the noises at night. 

He hates it, hates feeling jealous of someone who has nothing on him when it comes to Kun. But he tries, he really does, tries to seem normal when in reality he wants to rip Kun’s hands from his husband’s. 

It’s ridiculous. 

Ten can’t keep his hands to himself. He grabs Kun’s ass whenever his husband isn’t looking, squeezes it just enough to make him gasp but can easily be disguised as a cough. He’ll push Kun against the wall, after his husband’s gone to sleep, and bite his neck hard enough to get red but not enough to leave a mark. He’ll purposefully run his hand up Kun’s thigh when his husband’s turned around making them dinner. 

They’ll be hanging out with Sicheng and Yuta, lounging around and having some drinks, and Ten will text Kun filthy messages, hopes Kun’s husband sees them. Ten never sits with them, always sits with Yuta’s head in his lap, on the couch perpendicular to Kun and his husband, to the left. 

**from Ten**

_ I want you to fuck me _

_ bend me over the couch and have your husband watch us _

_ let him know who I belong to _

Ten hits send, hides his phone under his thigh, and waits for Kun to read it. It’s thrilling, watching a blush work itself up Kun’s neck, watching Kun close his eyes after he locks his phone. But nothing compares to when Kun makes up the excuse of getting dinner and Ten happily tags along. 

“I mean it, you know,” Ten says casually, running a hand through his hair as he looks out the window. “Fuck me before you go. I don’t care if we have to do it in the back of this car in an empty parking lot; I just want to have you inside me.”

“My husband is here,” Kun says through his teeth. “He’ll find out, I just know it - I know him. He already thinks we’re way too close for just best friends.”

“Oh, does he now? Do you think I should tell him about how you fucked me so hard my neck didn’t recover for two weeks? Or what about that mirror picture I have of you fucking me against the sink? Should I-”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

It’s menacing, but all the blood rushes straight to his dick. 

“What if I accidentally sent him the video of us fucking in the living room? Or the one in our bedroom when you splattered your cum all over my face?” Ten pushes, wants Kun to reach his breaking point. “Don’t think I don’t remember you saying you’d leave him. That was two years ago, and I’m still waiting.”

Kun frowns. 

“You don’t get to ask me to leave my husband,” he says, cold. He turns to look at Ten briefly. “You do not have that right; not when I asked, no,  _ begged  _ you to leave Johnny and you went right back to him, not when it was  _ you  _ who pushed me into my husband’s arms.”

“Fuck you, you have no idea how hard it was to leave him. You don’t have any idea how easy it was to fall back into his lies, how easy it was for him to convince me that this time was going to be different. Don’t you think I hate myself for that? Don’t you fucking think I wish that things would have worked out differently? Don’t blame this on me when  _ you  _ had just as much to do with it as I did.”

Neither of them say anything after that, and it’s so tense between them that everyone else seems to notice. So Ten pretends like nothing’s wrong, begs off saying he’s got a headache, and locks himself in his room for the rest of the night. 

**from Kun**

_ i’m sorry, i should not have said that _

_ i was just frustrated  _

_ i should not have taken it out on you _

_ i’m sorry _

Ten sighs, just when he’s seconds away from falling asleep. 

**from Ten**

_ it’s fine.  _

_ let’s just not talk about it anymore  _

_ ok? _

**from Kun**

_ is there anyway i can do to make it up to you? _

_ i’ll do anything you want me to _

There’s only one thing Ten can think of, and he knows Kun would never be up for it. Especially not when his husband is next door and the walls are thin. Maybe next time Kun visits with him,  _ without  _ his husband; maybe then will they be able to live their fantasy. 

**from Ten**

_ next time visit me alone _

_ without him _

_ that’s how you can make it up to me _

**from Kun**

_ yes _

_ i promise i will _

Kun visits again, alone this time, the week of Ten’s birthday. They act like they’re together again, and no one calls them out because maybe their friends are just as bad as they are. It’s good because Ten tells Kun that he loves him and Kun says it right back; it’s bad because the week is over too soon so Kun has to go right back to his husband. It leaves a sour taste in Ten’s mouth, the kiss they share in the car before Kun disappears into the airport. 

Ten knows that he has the tools he needs to dissolve Kun’s marriage, but part of him enjoys the thrill of possibly being caught. There’s some part of him, deep inside, that wishes they would get caught while Kun has him bent over the couch and Kun not caring because he’s too far gone. There have been times,  _ too many  _ times, when Ten fantasizes about Kun showing up at his doorstep with all his bags, telling Ten that he finally decided to leave his husband for him. And really, he knows it’s only the stuff of his wildest dreams, but Ten can’t help but imagine what it would be like.

It never happens, though, Kun never comes and Ten eventually stops asking. He lost out with Kun and it was no one’s fault but his, now he’s gotta go the rest of his life watching him love someone else that isn’t him. 

It’s lonely and it hurts, but he finds solace in those days when it’s just the two of them. If he can’t have Kun completely to himself, well, at least he’ll always have this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah. ten is a lil toxic, but so is kun. no one ever said they were good people. 
> 
> comments and kudos are great! let me know what you'd like to read from me next!

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't mean to make johnny the bad guy but..... i did it for the sake of the plot. anyway, i love johnny and maybe one day i will write a fic where he is the good guy. i promise. this is just a mess of words and feelings from past experiences that i just needed to get out. i hope you know i mean no ill will towards anyone mentioned in this fic. 
> 
> please leave kudos and comments! let me know what you'd like to read from me next!
> 
> @bigpapishownu on twt
> 
> love y'all <3


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